I don't know what it is about cleaning house that prompts thoughts of looking back. I guess one of the reasons is that I usually clean house around a holiday (although I do actually clean other times too). But, usually, on a holiday eve, I'm cleaning because one or other from the family are coming over and I really do need to clean up some of the clutter. So I go around the house and begin dusting, looking at the picture of my mother holding my son on the park jungle gym when he was about 4. And that prompts me to think about how nice it would be if she were here tomorrow, which is impossible because she's been gone more than 20 years now. Then, taking a break, my husband walks into the room and I mention my Mom and Easter and he begins reminiscing about all the lovely dinners his Mom used to fix on the holiday--and we remember, laughing, the lamb cake that sat in the dining room on the table as a decoration, that never was eaten. And I never asked why. And then I think of all in the family that we've lost over the last 9 years, my brother John, then Billy, then, just this last November, my brother Dan. And I miss them.
Then, because the day has turned lovely and the dog is yearning for a walk, my husband and I put on his leash and walk out into the spring afternoon, delighted at the newfound warmth. And I notice all the flowers beginning, small red tulips and blue scilla. And I'm filled with such optimism about the days ahead--picking up plants next weekend at the arboretum, getting my hands dirty in the garden,
taking more pictures.
Easter: looking back and looking forward.
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